It's a problem faced by both men and women and is hard to talk about, military sexual trauma, MST. Only one in four women and one in 100 men report MST to VA providers, but many go unreported.
They're supposed to feel safe with their military brothers and sisters, but sometimes they're the ones hurting them.
"My mouth was silent but the broken pieces they do speak,” said Dr. Paula Smith-Benson who is a survivor of MST.
Dr. Paula Smith-Benson is an Air Force veteran, she served 20 years as a nurse and nurse midwife. Starting out, she was excited and ready to carry out her family's legacy following her relatives that served before her. She had no idea of what was to come.
"To me it's friendly fire because in the military we often refer to ourselves as a family and I just didn't expect a brother at arms to be a perpetrator,” said Benson.
She experienced sexual harassment throughout her 20 years of service and was also raped.
Benson stayed silent in fear of what might happen.
"We would notice that if anyone reached out even if it was for mental health services there was a moving van that would show up in front of their houses,” said Benson. “It was sort of a culture of secrecy because it just appeared that if you asked for help then you're out of here.”
Even though her perpetrator was eventually brought to justice, she still endured feelings of hopelessness and pain, “The sexual assault was a tremendous violation of my boundaries, my very soul was wounded, there's no pill for that,” said Benson.
Leading to a loss of sleep, nightmares, fear, panic and even attempting to end her own life. She hit rock bottom.
"When I hit rock bottom, the Veterans Health Administration was the rock at the bottom," said Benson.
It's a story that's all too familiar for Ericka Carpenter who is a retired Army veteran.
"I had no idea how much of a toll that it would take on me and how it would absolutely change my life,” said Carpenter who is a survivor of MST.
Carpenter was at the young age of 17 when she joined. Finishing basic training she moved to Texas to complete an advanced level of training to be a medical supply specialist.
"When I got to San Antonio I was all pumped and excited, I was like yes I get to go to my first party,” said Carpenter.
That party was off base and was a moment that changed her life. She was raped by two men from her class. They were never brought to justice and until the training was finished she had to face them every day.
She blamed herself for years and stayed silent.
"I did crazy things, I turned over desks, just rebellious,” said Carpenter.
Leading her to get discharged. She turned to the VA Maryland Health Care System for help. It's where she spent three years healing.
"One of the things from the very beginning was they put me in therapy for MST. During that time when I originally got out, there weren't a lot of services for women in combat,” said Carpenter.
But she wasn't going to let these hard times stop her from her dreams.
"I am not, and this is very important, I am not going to let those men, that other guy, have any power over me," said Carpenter.
She returned to the army, serving in Iraq before retiring after 17 years.
Both Carpenter and Benson said it's the VA Maryland Health Care System that saved their lives.
"For me, it was the cognitive processing therapy which helps someone who has experience trauma really process through the experience," said Benson.
"I’m not always going to have the greatest of day but I have a great support system. They really do have great people in place too that genuinely care about you and that will help you and to understand that they're not alone,” said Carpenter.
Resources are available; therapy and support groups are just some of the services provided to veterans experiencing MST.
"What we will do at the VA if somebody wants to come forward and seek care is help work with them to identify what are all those ways that MST has impacted their life so that we can figure out what treatment will get them on the track to that quality of life that they're looking for,” said Jessica Grossman who is the Psychologist at VA Maryland Health Care System.
