Talking to kids about their bodies can be a difficult conversation.
And asking a child if they've been sexually assaulted can be terrifying.
Following the second arrest of a former teacher, who's original charge of child porn had led investigators to uncover evidence of a rape from years ago, we reached out to two experts to discuss child sexual abuse.
Dr. Howard Dubowitz is the head of the Child Protection Team at the University of Maryland Children’s Hospital and Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Maryland School of Medicine.
We asked what red flags parents, teachers or other caring adults could look for if a child had been sexually abused.
"Some kids may have physical problems. Particularly they may complain about hurting in the genital area," says Dr. Dubowitz. "There may be itching, bleeding."
Lauren Hawkins, LCSW-C is a social worker in the Special Victims Unit at the Office of the State's Attorney for Baltimore City.
"Some of the things we look for is regression. So children who have already been potty trained, or, you know, have already matured past a certain developmental level, then going back, and either bedwetting, or having some toileting accidents," says Hawkins. "Sometimes we see children revert back into baby talking, or sucking their thumb are their safety behaviors that were familiar to them as young children."
Some other red flags include:
- vaginal discharge
- withdrawal, anxiety or depression
- struggling with self-esteem
- difficulty sleeping
- nightmares
- elevated sexual knowledge (unusual for their age)
Both Hawkins and Dubowitz said the most important red flag is if a child says they've been touched or abused.
"Most importantly, if a child tells a parent that someone has been touching them, making them feel uncomfortable, that is clearly something that parents need to take very, very seriously," says Dubowitz.
Hawkins says, "so if a child talks with you about something that that they have experienced or something that's made them feel uncomfortable, it's really important to believe them."
If a kid tells you they've experience assault, it's important to call the police or Child Protective Services.
CPS Number: 410-361-2235
If you're seeing possible signs and you're worried about sexual abuse, but your child hasn't told you outright, both Dubowitz and Hawkins had some advice on how to approach the topic.
"I think what is important is that parents ask about this beginning in a very general way," says Dubowitz. He gave an example of an approach, "'It looks to me like maybe you're feeling sad. And I wonder what it is that's making you feel sad? Is there anything that's bothering you? Is there any one who is bothering you?'"
Hawkins says, "if you are concerned that something is going on, I think you can let your child know that they can always talk with you about anything, ask them if anything is making them feel uncomfortable."
Both Dubowitz and Hawkins spoke to the importance of making sure kids understand, from a young age, the correct names for different body parts.
"Part of the reason that it's really important that you're teaching your children the anatomically correct names for genitalia, and all different parts of their body," says Hawkins, "is one, it reduces shame. But two, it also reduces confusion if your child does ultimately make a disclosure."
They both also brought up consent.
"I think that another thing too, is, once you have this conversation with kids about understanding their body, and knowing the boundaries of their body, that you know, these are parts only for yourself, and that other people shouldn't be touching them," says Hawkins. "I think it's also important to teach your child about consent, and about the fact that they have control over their own body, and that they have the right to say no [even to adults]."
Dubowitz says, "kids know about the privacy of their bodies, the parts to the body that are covered by a bathing suit and that no one other than the parent, a doctor or nurse has the right to touch them there."
Making sure to keep an open line of communication with your kids, that your kids know and feel safe coming to you in the event that they are upset or uncomfortable about anything that happens in their life is important as well, both experts said.
They agreed that making sure you control your emotions if your child comes to you with this is equally important.
"This can be very difficult for the parent," says Dubowitz. " It may be another family member, a friend, a neighbor and so the parent is shocked, the parents may be doubtful disbelieving and I think it's very important to keep those reactions in check."
"I think the the critical thing that you can do right in that moment is believe them and support them and to tell them that you'll protect them and do protect them and act protectively of them," says Hawkins. "I think you also kind of need to temper your own reaction. A lot of times for parents, it's very scary and unnerving and enraging when they hear that from children, but you want to ensure that as children begin to tell you things that that you can check your own emotional reaction, so that they feel comfortable and safe continuing to share."
If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual assault, you can call 800-656-4673 or go to RAINN.ORG. If you know a child that is a victim of sexual assault or abuse, call the police at 911 or your local Department of Child Protective Services. Numbers for Maryland Counties can be found at this link.