Last night’s episode of The Bachelorette was more about drama inside the bachelors’ hotels than it was about the dates JoJo went on in Uruguay.
Two different dudes named Chad caused a ruckus throughout the episode. It was enough for JoJo to proclaim, “I am so done with Chads.”
The episode began with the group still in Pennsylvania. JoJo had chosen Alex over Chad on their hiking date. Chad, the macho meathead, did not go gracefully into a limo driven into the sunset.
Instead, he returned to the guys to let them know how fuming mad he was that they had attacked him and put him in this position. I’ve watched most of each episode to date, and can attest Chad, indeed, made his own bed to lie in and there’s ample footage of his hostility.
This confrontation was just a bunch of dudes yelling. It ended peacefully. No one got a scratch on their face, no one’s shirt got ripped. Evan did not get a bloody nose for unknown reasons.
Eventually Chad left. Good riddance, he's off to the island of misfit toys – a la Bachelor in Paradise. I really hope Emily and Haley, the twins from Las Vegas who dated Ben Higgins, can work their magic on him. Maybe zap him into someone bubbly and friendly, not a hothead tool!
Meanwhile, JoJo and Alex were wrapping up their date, holding hands and smooching. The guys were ready for her to return home. Their kingdom was once again safe. The hero can bring back our princess, one of them said.
For a minute, I'm reminded of old school Super Mario Brothers and how Princess Peach was rescued from Bowser. Alex is Mario, and for a moment the guys praise his valor.
But then they remembered they are dating the same woman and only one will win the final rose.
In the first of two rose ceremonies, Daniel and James F. went home.
Off to Uruguay for the dates with the remaining eleven! Which meant a few minutes of date footage and what seemed like hours of drama footage.
On the first date, she and Jordan made out and cuddled while sailing to an island. At the island, they swam with seals.
Later they had dinner and she brought up something an ex-girlfriend told her. They discussed it, she felt like he was honest. Later, he said he is falling in love with her. She was giddy and handed him a date rose. She could now go home and write in her diary!!!
Oh wait... The other Chad villain is an ex-boyfriend who gave some interview to Us Weekly, resulting in an article accusing JoJo of dumping him just to be the Bachelorette.
The guys found this magazine while getting their hair cut in the hotel. (There was a lot of manscaping this week. We also saw two guys have a heart-to- heart while getting facials. One nonchalantly nibbled on the cucumber he had taken off his eye.) The men were outraged by the article and began to wonder about her real intentions.
JoJo returned from her date with Jordan and some unfortunate soul (an intern, a producer?) had to kill her happy date mojo with news of the article.
She cried, she screamed, she almost messed up her pretty hairdo. She grabbed a robe and went to the eighth floor, where the guys were staying.
They must have vented out all their worries because we now saaw a calm, understanding bunch who give her reassurance that they won't leave in five minutes.
She explained the back story on the ill-fated relationship and how it was toxic. She needed to end it and move on. Then she met Ben and that was love, but he chose someone else.
So she came on The Bachelorette to find love. She hugged and gently kissed a few on the cheek.
After a good night's sleep, presumably, she goes on a group date to Valizas Sand Dunes.
They took turns sliding down dunes as if they are sledding. Some went head first, others were more cautious. It was hot. It was dusty. They move onto a cooler, cozier place for dinner.
During the dinner portion, there was the usual awkward interruptions during one-on- one time. Amazingly, she found enough alone time to make out with many, but never enough time to finish a conversation.
I hope she at least had time for a breath mint in between kisses. My husband asked me if there was any guy on the episode who didn't make out with her. Sadly, I think it was only the three who didn't get roses later – Evan, Vinny and Grant.
She gave Derek the date rose as a sign of reassurance.
She also had a date with Robby. They went downtown to sightsee, share a sandwich, stroll, and jump from rocky ledge into water. Over dinner, he went on and on until he got to the point – he is falling in love with her. She welcomed this news, and handed him a date rose.
There was no cocktail party. JoJo's mind was made up. Though she liked the three about to go home, and they had no Chad-like flaws, she simply did not feel love growing there. Evan, Vinny and Grant were sent home.
It’s like “daggers through my heart. I should have taken more chances with her,” Evan said.
Next week, JoJo and the remaining men travel to Buenos Aires. Your homework: Watch Evita, starring Madonna.
Jordan, for now, looks like the front runner. But will he be one she has to let go in that dramatic preview clip? Will he still have perfect hair even if he doesn't get the girl?
Staci Gower is a PA-based writer and Bachelor/Bachelorette fan since their inceptions. She is guest blogging for her best friend Allison Bourg, the one who usually writes this blog.