Bachelor Breakdown: Corinne has a nanny? For herself?

Posted at 1:11 PM, Jan 17, 2017
and last updated 2017-01-17 13:11:43-05

Is it OK to have a nanny for yourself if you’re a grown woman without kids?

Corinne, the villain of this season of The Bachelor, seems to think so.

“I am a kid!” she told the other contestants Monday night, as they looked at her in shock after she told them her nanny, Raquel, does everything for her. “She keeps my life in order. She makes sure my bed is made. She slices my cucumbers for me.”

Raquel even, Corinne said, makes her cheese pasta.

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Corinne is 24 years old, competing with about 20 other women for a proposal from this season’s Bachelor, 36-year-old Nick Viall.  

And this season has quickly devolved into The Corinne Show, with much of Monday’s episode focused on her antics and the others’ reactions to them.  

After Liz, a woman who came on the show after having previously slept with Nick, was sent home, the attention turned to Corinne. In a half-baked rip off of Varsity Blues (such an underrated ‘90s movie), she drunkenly tried to seduce Nick wearing a trench coat and whipped cream over her lady parts. He was visibly uncomfortable, and Corinne ran off to her room in the Bachelor Mansion and passed out. The show aired charming footage of her snoring in her bed as the rose ceremony went on without her. (She already had a rose after the bridal shoot hot mess of a date that aired last week, and was safe.)

The next day, Corinne was part of the first group date, which starred The Backstreet Boys (squeal!) The women had to learn a dance routine and perform it on stage with the group, and the best dancer got one-on-one time with Nick and a rose. Corinne, a self-proclaimed awful dancer, danced like everyone’s awkward uncle and cried about it.

“I’m not good at planned dancing,” she later told Nick, who gently told her the word she was looking for was “choreography.”   

One of the Danielles won the dance competition, but I doubt anyone remembered, especially after Corinne started talking about her nanny.

“I’ve tried to make cheese pasta before, and, I don’t know, I just can’t,” she said.

Vanessa, a special education teacher from Montreal, got the one-on-one date this episode, and it was a really cool date in theory. She and Nick went on a zero-gravity plane designed to simulate what it’s like to be in space. They had a blast bouncing around the plane until Vanessa got sick and puked several times.

Nick made out with her anyway, which I think is a safe bet that she isn’t going anywhere for a long time.

The second group date involved seven women competing in a “Nickathlon” on a track, led by track and field Olympians Allyson Felix, Carl Lewis and Michelle Carter. The winner of the competition got time with Nick in a hot tub that was just sitting on the track—because you know, what track doesn’t have a hot tub at the ready? Astrid won despite (or maybe because of?) a really ill-fitting sports bra that made female athletes everywhere cringe.

One of the women, Dominique (who?), got angry because she thought Nick wasn’t paying enough attention to her. Nick, who maybe also questioned who exactly she was, sent her home. Rachel, a 31-year-old lawyer from Dallas, got the group date rose.

Later, back at the mansion, Nick announced he was canceling the cocktail party in favor of a pool party, which made everyone cheer until Corinne somehow brought in a moon bounce. (Because she’s an 8-year-old in a 24-year-old’s body!) When the other ladies spied the two making out, they flipped out and several confronted him.

“You’re making a mistake with Corinne,” Raven said. “You know she has a nanny? For herself?”

Vanessa, too, wasn’t pulling any punches.

“Are you looking for a wife? Or are you looking for someone to (expletive) with?” she asked.  

We’ll have to wait until next week to hear what Nick has to say. 

An aside: I really want to be friends with Alexis, the girl who showed up in a dolphin/shark costume on the first night, celebrates the birthday of her fake boobs and rolled out a life-size poster of Nick for him to see on Monday's episode. There is no way the 23-year-old is there to find a husband, but she seems to be having fun and the other women really like her. Don't send her home quite yet, please! 

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Watch The Bachelor Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC2.